This is embarrassing. But you might as well hear it first here from me rather than soon from the overhyped media. Yesterday I was arrested for solicitation, and spent the night---only one night, thank goodness---in the Seine jail.
You see, my beets and squash crops didn't do well this year, and the newspaper office in Dover refused to hire me for a paper route, even one which would've kept me in Seine, so I decided to grab whatever part-time work I could. I was hired down at the mall to be a Christmas Santa.
Listening to those babbling naive kids on my lap and their loud, pushy parents in the background was so damn boring. So I began soliciting money---yes, money, not the kind of solicitation you had in mind---"to help me get back to the North Pole," as I would whisper to them. Obviously, neither children nor parents can take a joke.
-Old Gargoyle
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