The Tie That Doesn't Bind

Arrggh! I don't believe it! After three weeks of eating English gruel and of sleeping on the cold, hard ground of public parks in that country and waiting, waiting, came the dreaded midnight knock on the door. Three bobbies appeared, confiscating my invitation to Westminster Abbey and telling me that, because of my brief arrest last week for driving in my rented car on the "wrong" (right) side of the road in Bristol, my "kind of American" was no longer welcome. So they drove me to the airport and put me on an early flight back to the U.S. I'm MISSING the royal wedding!

Bird Alight

What's with these gigantic, bird-and-nest, satellite-dish-tv hats which English women wear? I swear, if one of those head-engorging monstrosities blocks my view of the royal couple during the wedding ceremony in the abbey, I'm going to set it afire with my lighter.

"Left" in Jail

I don't appreciate spending six hours in jail here in England for driving on the "wrong" side of the road in my rented car. I blame it on the warm, heavy British beer. The bobbie blamed it on my arrogant ignorance. I blamed it on my arrogant ignorance of warm, heavy British beer.

President J. C.

I saw this sign of a street-corner man on my way to the airport: "Obama is not a brown-skinned, anti-war socialist who gives away free health care. You're thinking of Jesus."

Wiggles

I'm on my way to the royal wedding in London (remember, I received an invitation to it because of my work in the U.S. on Prince Charles' Monarchical Society and Luddite Society). I hope I'm allowed to wear and break-in my powdered wig on the airplane flight.

A Sweet Problem

Arrgh! Now comes the national news that Canadian and New England maple syrup is much better for you than previously thought; its an excellent antioxidant and heart-disease fighter. And here I sit stuck with sixteen cases of sugar-cane syrup imported from South Louisiana. I can't give that stuff away---not even the poor or homeless want it.