Saturday, November 27, 2010

Gotta Pay the Rent

The winter snow has begun. Time to switch part-time jobs from newspaper delivery boy to the more socially prestigious (at least around here) chimneysweep.

Delaware Punchin' Cousins

I've learned that Delawarites, despite living in a state smaller than many counties in other states, have a strong sense of cultural divide between Northern Delaware and Southern Delaware. The northies (in the Wilmington area near Phily) consider themselves urban and sophisticated, and look down upon the southies (in the Dover area) as rural, almost U.S.-Southern rednecks. This was reflected in yesterday's newspaper obituary for a physician, in which the tongue-in-cheek editor wrote that "Dr. Williams will be buried in Southern Delaware where he was first pronounced day-ed."

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Talk Turkey

I was in my field yesterday when three turkeys went walking by. I swear one of them said to me jokingly, I think, "Hey, dude, what's for dinner?"

"I'd tell you, turkey," I replied, "but then I'd have to kill you."


Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Easter Egg

I've had in my lifetime a few of what I call minor "mystical" experiences. The latest of which was today, what I call a wacky one. I was in my easy chair writing a talk when I heard Bam! on my back- door window. "Oh great," I thought to meself, "that group of anti-Frankenstein townspeople is after me again." But when I opened the door, all I saw was a small bird lying on its back near my doorstep. Its eyes were half-closed, its heart was beating rapidly, but it otherwise didn't move.

Not wanting to have a wildbird possibly bite me, I grabbed it by wrapping it in three feet of white paper towel. And knowing it soon would die, I put it onto its back, still wrapped, and on the grass. Then I placed a few pieces of sod and two clothespins onto the edges of the towel to keep it down. Just the bird's head peeked out of the wrapping.

I returned to my chair and continued my reading and writing. Twenty minutes later, I reached the place in my reading of John's gospel at which Peter and John reach Jesus' tomb on Easter morning, enter it, find it empty, and handle the neatly folded linen cloth which had covered Jesus. At that point, I had the notion to take a break, go see the bird, and prepare to bury it.

To my surprise, what I found was the long white paper towel completely unfolded in the grass, the two clothespins lying perfectly parallel to each other at the head of the towel, and the bird gone.
"Well, well," I said, "the resurrection I just read a minute ago in the gospel, with the 'linen cloth' neatly unfolded instead of folded."

The moral of the experience struck me: Either believe in the Resurrection of Jesus or don't underestimate the strength of a merely-stunned bird.


Friday, November 19, 2010

Biblical Wisdom

I'm back from the Dover airport where I made some $300 in only one hour. I had a batch of small banners printed, then took them to near the beginning of the line for the new-style passenger-security check-in. The banners sold like hotcakes; each one carried the Old Testament dictum, "Gird your loins!"

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Eye of the Beholder

On a recent episode of Bill O'Reilly's tv show, one of his assistants reported on a survey of tv watching by Republicans and Democrats. She said that three of the favorite programs among Republicans are "Undercover Boss," "Amazing Race," and "American Idol," and three of the favorites among Democrats are "Madman," "Dexter," and "30 Rock." She and Bill concluded that Republicans are happier than Democrats and like to watch programs which stir competition, "making it," and feeling good. And they concluded that Democrats are angry and like to watch shows which stir conflict or confusion and feeling bad.

Nonsense. I conclude from this survey that Republicans like programs which reflect themselves as simplistic, black-and-white idealists and self-concerned individualists, whereas Democratic prefer those which reflect themselves as appreciative of complexity, satire, and existentialistic reality.
Where's my remote?

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Junk Male

When I go next week to the Dover airport for a flight, I'll be subject to the new passenger-search methods. I don't think I'll accept the full-body x-ray, because that would disturb my Korean War shrapnel and trigger my mad-cow disease. I guess I'll have to submit to the close-body manual search. I can only hope it'll be done by a bleached blond. I won't have her arrested if she touches my "junk," but, boy I'm surely going to charge a bag-handling fee to my airline.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Habeus Corpus

The Catholic Diocese of Peoria, in which the famous Archbishop Fulton Sheen (d. 1979) was born, has abandoned its sponsorship of his possible canonization as a saint because the Archdiocese of New York, in which he's buried, refuses to disinter his body and transfer it to Peoria. Must be frustrating for his spirit; good thing he wasn't cremated.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Salvation at a Price

Well, the little woman and I are back in our repaired house, still in Seine. Our temporary, emergency stay in the basement of the ocean-front lighthouse was welcomed. Jonka and I are grateful to the local Salvation Army which made our stay possible.

I think I'll start donating more stuff to the Salvation Army instead of Goodwill. The Army gives much more of its collected items than does Goodwill directly to the poor and needy. Of course, most people think the Sal Army is simply another charitable organization, but it's technically a church denomination, though one whose primary mission is to help the poor. The Sal Army began as a reform movement within the Methodist Church in England, because its founders thought that their Methodist Church was too liturgical, too formal, and not enough concerned with the needy. Ironically, the Methodist Church itself developed from the Anglican Church, because John Wesley and others thought that their Anglican Church was too liturgical and too formal. Go figure.

Thus before Jonka and I vacated the lighthouse, the Sal Army official made us sign a pledge not to drink alcohol, gamble, dance, nor play cards; and pledge to help the poor every week. Then we had to sing all six verses of Wesley's hymn, "Amazing Grace."

But all was not loss or even frustrated, as I demanded that I be made on the spot an honorary officer in the Salvation Army. Henceforth I shall be addressed as Colonel Gargoyle.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

La Plus Ca Change

I voted. But I think I've reached the point at which I don't care which political party has the majority in both houses of Congress. Rather, I wish any party would dominate and would be identical to the President's party so that Congress could more easily accomplish legislation. Nonetheless, in two to four years from now, I and the rest of the country will be singing a different tune once again.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

You Betcha

I wonder if Sarah Palin is a palindrome.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Election Day

As best-selling author P. J. O'Rourke says, "Don't vote---it will only encourage the bastards."