Grunts and Grables

From the They Now Have Trouble Getting Dates Department:
"Japanese Scientists Grow Frog Eyes and Ears" (a real newspaper headline)

From the More Useful Books Department:
"Beyond Leaf Raking," "Guide to Eskimo Rolling," "Hand-Grenade Throwing as a College Sport" (titles of real books)

From the Not Helping with the Unemployment Rate Department:
Reasons for leaving last job (from real job applications):
"The responsibility made me nervous."
"They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. I couldn't work under those conditions."
"Maturity leave"

-Old Gargoyle