It's almost Halloween. Damn, I hate the doorbell constantly ringing that evening. So what I've done the past couple of years is send the little woman to play bridge somewhere that night, then extinguish all internal and external house lights, and sit quietly in the darkness in my easy chair curled into a semi-fetus position. But don't you just know, it didn't help---still had three or four rings at my door. This year I'm ready; I'll still do the same above, but this time, wearing a mouthbrace with sharp metal teeth in it, I'm gonna sink those suckers into the neck of the first person, child or otherwise, for whom I have to open my triple-bolted front door.