Ma and Pa Ternity

I'm eating for two these days. Yep, while Jonka is visiting her relatives in the mysterious ethnic neighborhoods of Cleveland, I'm cooking for both of us and eating both our meals.

Seat of Wisdom

I was relaxing reading the newspaper in my easy chair after the Christmas hubbub when my young grandson, Huey (yes, the other two are named Dewey and Louie), said to me, "Are you busy, Grandpa?"

"Yes, I am," I replied.

"You don't look so busy," he said.

"Well, I am. I'm obfuscating superfluous malfeasance."

"Wow," he remarked wide-eyed, "you make it look so easy."

A Most Deserving Kind of Guy

I really, really hope Gary Busey had a merry Christmas.

A Christmas Carol

When I recently was with the Gulliver's Travels group playing The Tourist in Quebec, I decided to extend my Social Network by hitting a couple of bars at night. At the Burlesque, I met a beautiful Black Swan which, as it turned out, had True Grit. To my surprise, she spoke to me in The King's Speech. When I expressed my disbelief at her ability, she responded with such screeching and scratching, I thought I was trapped in a Tron nightmare. I got the hell out of there faster than you could say "Roger Ebert!"

They Prefer Santa

After some forty years, this will mark the first Christmas Day that none of my children will be with the little woman and me. I wonder if it's because they're tired of their old man belching and farting at the Christmas dinner table.

What Not To Wear

I wonder if Mrs. Claus cracks the same joke every Christmas Eve as Santa departs the North Pole: "Don't tell me you're going out again this year dressed like that"?

Feeling Anything Yet?

I've previously complained how Americans in general and even professional media persons in particular confuse "feel" and "think." "Feel" denotes emotion, whereas "think" denotes thought or idea. So the interviewer asks, "Tell me, Senator, how do you feel about the new tax policy?" And the senator spends two minutes giving an analysis of the political and economic implications of the policy, to the interviewer's satisfaction. But I shout at the tv screen, "No, no, Senator, she asked how you FEEL about it! Simply answer "Angry" or "Joyful" or "Sad"!

As has been said by someone, Christmas is the feeling Christian's holyday, whereas Easter is the thinking Christian's holyday. Christmas is all warm and fuzzy and baby cutsie. So if anyone asks me how or what I feel about Christmas, I'll answer simply "Yes."