Book Him

Seine is a small town, and its police aren't exactly Sherlock Holmes. So when I reported my car stolen from the mall because I couldn't find it, in turn because I forgot I had parked it on the opposite-side parking lot, the police quickly found it. Unfortunately, however, they charged me with auto theft because, they said, "You're fingerprints are all over it."

Re Quest

It's that time of year again, boys and girls. I again yearn for good fruitcake and figgy pudding. Please mail me some before or just after Christmas to:

Ye Old Gargoyle
200 Old Farms Rd.
Seine, DE 19901

And May the Lord throw all kinds of good blessings on you!

The Eyes Have It

Neighbor Emory suddenly has his bags packed for travel. "Why the bags?" I asked him.

He replied that he was motivated by reading in an issue of "National Geographic" the old saying, "In the land of the blind, the one-eyed is king."

"So where are you headed?" I persisted.

"I'm not sure," he said, "but I'll keep an eye out, and I'll know once I'm there."

Name of the Game

The world's richest man, worth about $50 billion, was interviewed this week on the "Larry King Show." He's Carlos Slim of Mexico. He has everything which money can buy except apparently an impressive name. Can't he afford to have it changed to Carlos von Slim or Carlos de Slimoroff or something like that?

A Fractured Mind

Even though, when I was a young man in Quebec, I was their captive for a few days, the local forest Indians allowed me quite a bit of freedom. I could walk about freely, make my own meals, and even throw large rocks at their heads. It was only later that I discovered they were not Indians at all but dirty-clothes hampers.

His and Hers

It seems that more women ran for public offices across the nation in this recent election. It could reach the point in a few years that two women (Hillary Clinton and Sarah Palin) will be the top two nominees for U.S. President. Meanwhile, Catholic women still aren't allowed to become simple deacons, let alone priests, in their church.

A Simple Birthday

Today's my late mother's birthday. I remember when I was 8 or 9 years old. I didn't know much what to give her, so I went to what was called Reese's Five-and-Dime Store downtown. There I bought a packet of bobby pins, a comb, a powder puff, and a small bowl into which to put them. She was happy to receive this gift from me. What she didn't know is that earlier, when she wasn't looking, I had raided her purse for the money to buy it.