Precious Bodily Fluids

I would really like to have a personal title. "Mr." is so mundane; whatever academic "titles" I might have were bought from diploma mills, about which everyone knows anyway; and although I could buy the title of baron or viscount (nothing higher allowed) through my membership in the Monarchical Society, people wouldn't respect that. So I devised a plan. At my Monarchical meetings, Flat-Earth Society meetings, Luddite Society meetings, Big Moose Society meetings, Rotary Club meetings, New England Farmers Association meetings, and School-Crossing Guards Union meetings, I repeatedly interjected "protection of our precious bodily fluids" into the various conversations, no matter what the specific topic: "precious bodily fluids" this, "precious bodily fluids" that. The members eventually realized that I was quoting the famous phrase from the deranged Army colonel in the movie "Dr Strangelove." They then began to dub me "the Colonel." Hot damn, it worked---now I have an earned title.