Be Ye Like Little Children

Mimes and clowns I can do without. I think their careers should immediately be terminated. When I encounter a mime at a festival or whatever, he always starts making fun of me. Well, after all, I am old and ugly. But when I protest what he's doing and ask him to stop it, he simply intensifies his silent satire of me. That's when I remove my wallet, and begin waving $200 under his snotty nose, saying to him, "Okay, pale face, this money is yours if you immediately break form, actual naturally, and stop harassing me."

The mime always takes a few moments to think, then quietly replies, "Er, alright, buddy, but try not to let anyone see what we're doing."

And that's when I snap back the money from his fingers saying, "No deal, flour head, I just wanted to see what would be the price for you to sell out your principles of miming." I walk away unmolested.

Clowns are something else. They must have a high rate of divorce. I can imagine a clown and his non-clown wife sitting in front of a marriage counselor, the wife angrily saying, "He doesn't respect me," and the clown angrily retorting, "She has no sense of humor."

-Old Gargoyle