Norbs and Nittlestops

From the I Hear It's Great for the Hands Too Department:
"Chicken Poop Lip Balm $3.99" (sign in a Walgreen's window in Indianapolis)

From the Stationary-Brain Department:
Tech-support person: "How fast does your modem go, m'am?"
Customer on phone: "It's not moving. It's just sitting there."
(actual call to a computer helpline)

From the Words Mean What They Say Department:
"These measures are permanent . . . for now" (head of the Canadian Air Transport Security Authority about airport-security rules)

-Old Gargoyle