Shammels and Sherz

From the Good Grammar Clearly Expresses Ideas Department:
"We know . . . we just know . . . I don't know, but we just know . . . ya know, it's just it . . . we see things
. . . whatever, we're here to help." (Tom Cruise's actual reply to a request to explain Scientology)

From the We're Not Sure if We Understand the Answer Department:
"Family Feud" host Richard Dawson: "Name something parents teach their children to use."
Contestant: "I think the teacher might use their underwear."

From the Slogans Walt Disney Wouldn't Exactly Like Department:
"Minnie Mouse---When Minniet's Keppy, With This Heat Her Guggie a Thels Swaly"
"Mickey Mouse---Do against the Euro, Yen against the Mickey"
"Mickdy Mouse"
(real English-language slogans on children's clothing items in China)

-Old Gargoyle