Arrggh, again I've had to grit my teeth and grip my pew in church. Lectors (readers), guest speakers, and even many clergypersons simply don't know how to handle a microphone in a large building such as a big church. As any professional speech teacher would insist to them, they have to speak LOUDLY, even though they're speaking into a mike which amplifies the voice---because their tendency is to speak too softly, thinking the mike will automatically make them heard. Next, they have to speak s l o w l y, because talking in the normal speed on a mike in a large setting simply combines with too much echo which distorts what is heard. Thirdly, they must speak dis-tinct-ly, not slurring, not running certain words too closely together. Combine these three violations with a clergyman or homilist for whom English is his or her secondary language, and you have auditory disaster.
Moreover, why do we keep allowing in the pulpit as readers those laypersons who aren't trained not only in oral delivery but also in the meaning of the scripture they're reading? Today my lector announces a reading from Paul's letter to the "Philippinos" instead of the Philippians. Well, I guess in light of the recent hurricane floods in those islands, the Philippinos could use a good word. And I'm reminded of another lector who recently, in reading the Old Testament story of the prophet grabbing a brazier (a lighted torch) to light the open-air animal sacrifice, said that the prophet was wielding a "brassiere." No one in the congregation flinched nor reacted upon hearing this. Shows you how much worshippers pay attention to the scripture readings, I guess.
What? What are you asking? Oh, come on. Alright, alright---yes, they were; the two readers I mention were bleached blonds.
-Old Gargoyle
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3 comments:
Maybe if they were graded on the criteria you mentioned?
Instead of American Idol, it could be Homily Respected Person (we can't very well have idols in church now can we?).
Now the audience would be given the criteria for grading, and they would vote every sunday. They could even text message their votes in for only 99 cents a vote. At the end of each month the winner would be announced and the bottom few losers would be excommuni....err I mean banned from reading again.
What would this circus act accomplish?
1. readers would begin to care about how they read.
2. the audience would pay attention to what was being read.
3. poor readers would cease to be allowed to read.
4. money from the text message voters could be additional tithe income?
5. a younger audience might start attending church?
Perhaps the lector was putting a modern spin on the Old Testament story... I mean if it were in the 1960's, grabbing a burning brassiere might actually have made sense.
In the words of everyone's favorite bimbo, Bill Clinton, "Ah feel your pain." Tonight my lector pronounced the word "mitre" as mee-TRAY.
Astute FormerStudent#33, er #32, you now are assigned all the churches within ten miles north of you for sermon evaluation over the next eight weeks. Try to report back by then.
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