Boy, am I confused. I saw a special offer on t.v.; a well-known d.v.d. direct-mail company would send me for only $5 all the current big-name movies involved in this weekend's Academy Awards. They arrived a couple of days ago, and I began viewing them. But why are they such strange cartoons, dumb documentaries, or weird, badly-acted plots? I double-checked their titles: "The Curious Case of Benjamin Mutton" (a badly-drawn cartoon about a lamb named Mutton, who leaves his farm for the city, and is quickly hit and killed by a truck); "Goubt" (a disgusting documentary on an ugly medical disease); "Frozen Liver" (the camera watches a cold bodily organ slowly melt); "The Wrassler" (a non-understandable Mexican midget who cleans dirty boxing rings); "The Dark Night" (another motionless camera, watching a brief sunset followed by almost two hours of just darkness); "Slutdog Millionaire" (a disgusting doc about backward Southerners betting on a winning pitbull in dogfights); "Silk" (a boring doc featuring poor Chinese at sewing machines); "Revolutionary Toad" (another stupid cartoon like "Benjamin Mutton," this one about a frog which leaps out of its pond); "The Reeder" (instructions on how to cultivate bamboo shoots); "Frosty/Nixon" (90 dull minutes of watching a snowman named Nixon slowly melt); and "Gram Torino" (a pointless doc about a grandmother in Italy who still cooks pizza the old-fashioned way).
Arrrgh! What a disappointment! I returned to the website company, Nitflex, from which I ordered these so-called hit movies. Nitflex---seemed legitimate. Where did I go wrong?
-Old Gargoyle
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