Language 3: But Exactly How Many?

I just can't take it anymore. "It" is our society's godawful, excessive use of "a lot of" and "lots of." What's wrong with people? Can't they remember simple grammar from elementary-school days? I no longer hear, even from professional broadcasters, the words which always expressed the exact or near-exact amounts people had in mind, viz., "none," "few," "some," "many," "most," "all." Now it's only "a lot" of this and "a lot" of that, whose meaning is so ambiguous as to be meaningless. Worse, people say, e.g., "a lot of choices," when listeners know that the range of choices is limited to three or four. Jeez, if two or three or four constitute "a lot," then what in the world do we call dozens or hundreds---"a lotest"? Let me tell you what happened to me last week. I was driving on a country road when I saw a large sign stuck in the ground of an adjacent field. My car screeched to a halt on the road's shoulder, and I sat at the wheel, my hands shaking, my eyes rolling around in circles, my heart pounding. Why? Because the sign read "Lots for Sale." "Arrrggh!" I thought to myself as I stopped my car, "Lots of what? And whatever is for sale, how much in the hell is 'lots of'? Has it come to this?" Then it struck me: Here was a rare, public, correct use of "lots," as the sign meant "Property ['Lots'] for Sale." I relaxed, quieted my nausea, and proceeded to drive. Later, I called the sign's owner, and bought a lot. I can't afford the lot, and I don't know what I'll do with it. But at least I wanted to contribute to the cause of correct use of "a lot." Now, stay tuned, because I do have lots more of such stories.

-Old Gargoyle