President J. C.

I saw this sign of a street-corner man on my way to the airport: "Obama is not a brown-skinned, anti-war socialist who gives away free health care. You're thinking of Jesus."

Wiggles

I'm on my way to the royal wedding in London (remember, I received an invitation to it because of my work in the U.S. on Prince Charles' Monarchical Society and Luddite Society). I hope I'm allowed to wear and break-in my powdered wig on the airplane flight.

A Sweet Problem

Arrgh! Now comes the national news that Canadian and New England maple syrup is much better for you than previously thought; its an excellent antioxidant and heart-disease fighter. And here I sit stuck with sixteen cases of sugar-cane syrup imported from South Louisiana. I can't give that stuff away---not even the poor or homeless want it.

Cow Town

I think I know why Gary Busey acts the way he does on tv's "Celebrity Apprentice." Like me, he apparently has mad-cow disease. It's just a matter of time, I think, before we see him in the middle of Times Square bellowing loudly and trying to graze on grass---as I did once.

Dim Romance

Neighbor Emory's relatives are as loony as he. When his niece visited him, he and I asked her, "We haven't seen this new boyfriend of yours whom you've been dating for six months. When do we get to see him? How did you two meet?"

She simply replied, "We met on ghostharmony.com."

100 minus 50 = 0

I decided to try to help my granddaughter who's learning her higher numbers. "If I want you to break this $100 bill," I said as I handed it to her, "what you would give me back?"

She promptly tore the bill in half and gave the half to me answering, "Fifty dollars?"

Flower Girl

The little woman is off with a few friends to the big spring-flowers show downtown. She lives and breaths flowers and gardens. My funeral will say, "In lieu of flowers, please give a donation to charity," whereas Jonka's will say, "In lieu of a donation to charity, please give flowers."