No, They Don't Have Souls

Dogs and air shows---what nuisances! I see that another pilot has accidentally crashed his airplane practicing for an air show in Illinois. His defective plane could've just as well landed the next day on the people watching it from the ground. Why does the law continue allowing onlookers to be so endangered?

And a medium-size city in Texas, which has tens of thousands of poor or homeless people in its central district, is considering spending ten-million dollars---that's MILLION---of public money---that's PUBLIC taxpayers' money---to build a state-of-the-art shelter for---you guessed it---dogs.

I'd like to pass a law requiring pilots of airplanes in air shows to pack at least three stray, non-parachuted dogs into the back seat of their aircraft before leaving the ground.

Old Man with His Cane

"What's wrong, old man, why aren't you eating your breakfast?" the little woman asked me this morning.

"I'm on the horns of a dilemma," I replied.

"Ouch! That must hurt," she said.

"Very funny. I opened this can of cane syrup---you know, the heavy, dark kind which looks like, and even at times tastes like, motor oil---the kind I really like. It's from a box of cans sent to me at Christmas by a former student. Anyway, I was thinking of how many sugar canes it took, how many hours of cultivation it took, sweating in the hot harvest sun, to make this one can of syrup."

"So?" Jonka asked.

"So I'm pondering the ethical implication of pouring pure, sweet, natural, handmade cane syrup onto frozen, cardboard Eggo waffles."

OLive Oil

Bare with me if my thoughts are jumbled and jumbled my word are incorrrect. I just havnt' been sleepin much lately. In fact Im' up 24/7 with my eyes pealed to the tv. As a ex-Lousianian, I think it's my duty to my new follow Delawarans to report to them aboot the gulf oil spill. So i constantly watch the cable-tv chunnel which shows continous reel-time pictures of the underwater spill.

Call of the Mild

You know what you don't want to do? You don't want to spend six days and nights in a remote log cabin in the thick forest and rugged terrain of Moose Jaw, Saskatchtewan, with no mail, phone, radio, tv, air conditioning, nor even electricity and running water, and with no one with you except your spouse---and call that a vacation. Take my word for it.

Probably Has a Nice Pension Plan

"God Hinting at Retirement" reads a newspaper headline from "The Onion." Dear God, we can only hope and pray it's so!

Only Once a Year (Thank Goodness)

Attention! Let it be known that today is Appreciate the Little Woman Day! Take it seriously. (Posted by order of Jonka.)

Who Was Insulted?

Not much by my neighbor, Emory, surprises me anymore. We both like birds. I named my parrot Holy Ghost, and he gave his parrot the "imaginative" name of Polly. So I was visiting him the other day. He went to his backyard shed to grab some of his homemade beer and meth. I was in his living room stretched out in his easy chair and half-dozing. I swear that his parrot, perched right next to me, then crackled, "Aaawwkk, Polly want a role model."

Round and Yellow with Two Black Dots

As you know, I'm not a smiler. Smiling is for sissies. Anyway, the day before we left for vacation, I stopped at my neighborhood pub to quaff a few, because I don't think they have bars where we were heading. I walked into the pub during happy hour, and was promptly escorted out.

An American in Rome

B-16 announced that he's creating a new department at the Vatican to combat secularism in the advanced Christian countries. With all the congregations (departments) and offices already in the Vatican, with their cardinal-bishops and titular archbishops and titular bishops (those who work full-time there and not in dioceses), do they really need another department in the Vat?

If I were pope, I'd reduce the whole scene to four departments corresponding to the Church's three basic mission activities (worship, education, service [charities] ) supported by the fourth (administration: personnel, finance, law). But then they'd probably impeach old Pope Gargoyle I.

Six of One, Half-Dozen of the Other

The little woman thinks I acted unethically yesterday. What I did, when I made a quick visit to my shrink before Jonka and I left town for vacation, was this: during that visit, I told my doctor that I gave to his receptionist the name of a crazy guy (my neighbor, Emory) whom he could call in case of an emergency or in case he needed someone to fill a time slot.

Living It Up (or Down)

"I like our living room," I told the little woman last night.

"'Living' room?" she replied. "What 'living' goes on here? All you do is sit in your easy chair smoking that damn pipe and reading 'People' or watching tv, and not paying a shred of attention to me! It's more like a boring room. That's it, let's call it the 'boring room.'"

"Very funny," I said. "So what would you call it if right now I die in it?"

Keep Peeling

Ah, you gotta love "The Onion":

Headlines:

"Restoration of 'Star Spangled Banner' Uncovers Horrifying New Verses"

"Report: 9 of 10 Americans Cannot Eat Another Bite"

"What the Hell Am I Supposed To Do with All These Constitutional Rights?"

"Cleveland Indians Sign Guy Who Successfully Jogged across Street"

"Miss Nude America Loses Title Day after Appearing Clothed in 'Woman's Day'"